A Satire On Doctor Les – The Cutting Edge Christian Academic 

Speaking at a meeting of the local Evangelical Christian Academic Society, the invited guest, the great Evangelical theologian Dr Les Water-down-the-authority-of-the-Bible stated boldly to those present: “I believe the Bible is the inspired infallible Word of God. It is God speaking to the human race. It only has 25,310 historical errors and 601 scientific errors. These are spread across every book in the Bible. But do not worry! We know that at least some of the Bible is true, I think? You will also be pleased to note that after doing extensive textual analysis and historical research based on a mixture of the best of modernist and post-modernist approaches, Professor Pseudo Evangelical has discovered that Jesus’ death did not happen. The venerable professor has found Roman writings quoting reliable ancient sources – the Roman Emperor Nero and a Jew named Judas Iscariot, both men of great honesty and integrity, proving beyond doubt that Jesus did not perform any of the miracles recorded in the New Testament. We now realize the Gospel writers’ stretched the truth a bit about Jesus’ miracles”.

Dr Les also told the meeting that he has also just finished his historical research into Jesus’ resurrection. After doing an extensive study of the authoritative historical sources, the godly Reverend Doctor found that Jesus’ resurrection was just a myth. Each of the inerrant ancient pagan historical writers recorded that Aunt Mabel found Jesus’ body in 60A.D. under the ground in South America when she was digging a hole in her vegetable patch near where her cow was grazing.

Dr Les thanked his audience for the opportunity to speak to them and concluded, “It feels so good being now accepted by the secular academic world. I did not have this acceptance before when I used to have an illogical belief in Jesus’ resurrection. It’s great now being a people-pleaser, I mean modern scholar, instead of having to be persecuted for having unpopular beliefs.”

Speaking later to a religious revival gathering of the local branch of the Paganised Evangelical Society, which claims all its members are slain in the Spirit at every meeting, Dr Les spoke on the fact that it was possible for born-again Christians to hold to their belief in the infallibility of the Bible while still recognizing the fact that the Bible is full of historical and scientific errors. All the Evangelicals present thanked him for helping them to progress from their previous what he termed “contradictory views of the Bible.”

Commenting on the great results of Dr Les’ tour, one local Christian leader emphasised, “It is great to see just how much exegetical studies have ‘advanced’ in recent decades. Christians are learning to have more faith in the modernist critical historical methods and linguistic methods of the rationalistic Enlightenment of the 1700’s and 1800’s and in the new post-modern approaches of Jacques Derrida and the homosexual Michel Foucault to analysing literature, than what they do in the Bible. We see the dramatic results in this strengthening of Christians’ Biblical foundations in the Evangelical theological seminaries in the higher moral standards that lecturers and students at the following American Evangelical theological colleges have than when compared to before:


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